so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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