I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
