There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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