I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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