I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
