Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
