the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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