I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
