i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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