i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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