I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
