i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
