it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
