I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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