quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
