just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
