i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
