dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just cropdusted the office
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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