dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize