i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
