the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Text me some of your sweat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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