so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
