Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
