Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Shame - the story of my life.
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