On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
