just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
