the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
