My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
