its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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