Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
