I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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