I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
