I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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