I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
