i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
