Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
