all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
