whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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