She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize