she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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