Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
whose parrot is this?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
