Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry soft22ball hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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(509): View more from Washington

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Becoming a productive member of society?

(509): View more from Washington

Sam. Come on.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

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(269): View more from Michigan

i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy

(734): View more from Michigan

Nevermind. Totally worth it.

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(206): View more from Washington

He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro

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(949): View more from California

You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.

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