he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
