i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
