Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize