evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
