didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
