My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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