So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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