I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
