After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My feet surprised me
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