end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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