Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
