Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
