Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
