I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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