Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
