Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
