Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
