It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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