My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i need some magic done to my vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize