Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
