last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize