Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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