We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
