For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
