Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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