the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
